Holding the Activation Without Chasing the High

March 13, 2025 — Afternoon journaling 

The echoes of the dragon activation with Lia are still rippling through me. It’s strange,how something so profound, so otherworldly, can settle into the body not as a firework, but as a quiet pulse. That session cracked something open in both of us, and even though it felt like we crossed a major threshold, I didn’t feel the kind of excitement I expected. I felt... present. Stable. Grounded. And that was new.

When I spoke to Diego today, I noticed the way my voice still trembled with the fear of being wrong. I told him about the dream, about the dragon, about the deep shifts but I was still holding back, looking to him for confirmation, of what I already knew and in many’s what he has already confirm to me in the past. And yet, this time he didn’t offer much. Not because he didn’t feel it, he did. He said he could feel how massive it was. But he also said something important: that when I speak from the energy of doubt, it limits what he can access. I have to own my truth if I want others to mirror it back.

He told me the work I’m doing with Lia is mine. Our contract. That he has no access to it unless I open the door. That stuck with me. This is the first time I’ve felt the container I hold with someone else as sacred and sovereign in its own right not something for others to interpret or define.

He also mentioned that he’ll be working with Lia this Saturday, and whatever shifts in her will help support the work we’re doing together. Lia herself told me today that since the dragon session, she feels more connected to me than ever. She’s getting flashes blurry visions of what’s to come but she can’t quite see it yet. Something is building. I can feel it too. It’s subtle but undeniable.

What’s interesting is how I’m feeling about all of it. When I drop into my body, there’s a quiet excitement, but it’s not explosive. It’s contained. Stabilized. Mature. I know something big is coming. I can feel the timeline shifting. And yet I’m also rooted in the present, showing up to what’s here now without needing to grasp or figure it all out.

There’s also something unfolding in my relationship with my son. He invited me to his school’s spring party next Thursday. It’s the second time in a week that I’ve been invited into his world first his Taekwondo tournament this Saturday, and now this. It feels good. Natural. Organic. Like a soft reopening of the bond.

And then there’s the reflection that came through about parenting. I’ve always felt unsure if I’m cut out to be a "real" mother in the traditional sense. The structure of full-time parenting, especially while holding a full-time 3D job, feels heavy to me. But my teammate at work reminded me: “Stephanie, you’ve always been a mother. Look how many people you mentor.”

That landed.

Because it’s true. I’ve mothered many. I guide, I activate, I hold space for people to remember themselves through my life. I’m not a mother in the conventional way, but I’m a mother in essence. And that’s how I mother my son too. Not through daily routine, but through presence. Through love. Through truth. Through energetic support and soul-level guidance.

Of course his father might not understand that. He values structure. Tangibility. Discipline.

But that’s not my way. And I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be.

This also makes me wonder, if my partner and I ever start a family, what kind of mother would I be? Am I cut out for it? And I realize… I am. But only if I do it my way. I’m not here to fit into a mold. I’m here to create a rhythm that works for who I really am. If I can honor that, I can hold anything.

So maybe this is the real activation:

Not the dragon itself, but my ability to hold its power…without needing to explode from it.

To trust what’s unfolding, even in the absence of fireworks.

To embody excitement not as a peak, but as a steady pulse beneath the surface.

To parent not by the book, but by my being.

To speak not for validation, but from truth.

This is what it means to stabilize.

This is what it means to live the codes.

I am still unfolding…