Witnessing Without Running
August 7th, 2025
I came home tonight and went to say hi to my mom. She was lying there with a heating pad on her stomach, telling me she wasn’t feeling well.
A few days ago, we got a letter from the hospital; the visit she made while I was in LA. She’d gone to the ER for a UTI, but the 10-day antibiotic they gave her was the wrong one. The bacteria was resistant, so they had to prescribe her a different one. On top of that, she has a tooth infection. And she’s still dealing with her ongoing bowel problems, the ones that began years ago after her perforation. She can’t hold her movements, and lately they’ve been causing more infections.
As she spoke, I started to feel her pain. Then I felt my own pain; this ache in me that comes when I can feel someone’s suffering and can’t fix it. The part of me that wanted to run, because staying meant touching an old wound: the child in me who used to feel everyone’s pain but couldn’t do anything about it. Back then, disconnecting felt like the only way to survive.
But today I realized: Mother is here to feel. Mother is in the feeling. She doesn’t work when we beg her. She works when we trust her, surrender to her, and let ourselves feel. She asks us to be willing to feel it all, because when we can feel it and hold it , she can move through us.
So in that moment I chose to stay. I decided to work on my mom. In the past I hadn’t really worked on her because I didn’t feel like I could be fully present to hold the energy for her without collapsing into. But this time, I went in, hands on her, field open, heart steady.
And by choosing to stay instead of run I realized, staying doesn’t mean drowning in the suffering.
Mother doesn’t get lost in the suffering. She witnesses it. .And in her witnessing; and in us allowing ourselves to feel; Mother can move through our field and awaken, heal, restore, and bring miracles.
I realized it wasn’t about forcing a miracle, pushing energy, or begging Mother from a desperate, victim place. It was about surrendering into her, trusting her, and being willing to stay and hold the suffering without being consumed by it.
As I was touching my mom, rocking her with the vibrations of my hands, I felt into her essence, her beauty, and her strength—the strength it took for her body to go through so much. I was inviting her to drop into her body. “Choose to be here. It’s okay to come in now. You can come in.” I was asking her to use her magic, to bring her consciousness more fully into her body.
Tears started streaming down my face, silent but constant. I telepathically spoke to her essence:
“Thank you for carrying the torch for me. Thank you for leading the way. Thank you for taking everything you took on so you could open the path for me. I take the torch now. You can let go. You’re free. You can drop in now. We can activate the next part of the mission; for you to be the miracle of Mother working through me. Now you get to be healed, to be in joy, to travel with me, to open your voice, to speak the miracle of Mother because you’ll be so healed and whole.”
It wasn’t overwhelming; it was pure feeling, pure sensation, no thinking. My eyesight blurred from the tears. At one point, I knelt beside her bed, bowed my head, and put my hands in a triangle. In that moment, it felt like my mom, me, and Divine Mother were all inside and in front of me stood my future daughter and my son, the sacred union, the future.
Sometimes my mom’s body would jolt; her feet and her shoulder would twitch- jolt and I could feel her energy wanting to come alive. It was beautiful. I got the sense that I need to do this with her more often with her. What I recognized is the more I relaxed, the more those jolts started for her. Like the moment my own field relaxed deeper thats when the energy in her body began to respond.
That’s when I knew: now I’m at a place where I can hold the field for her; the more I surrender into the field itself.
And as I sat with it, I felt this truth settle in: to do this work, I have to be willing to witness suffering without running from it nor collapsing into it. Not from a place of seeing anyone as a victim, but from a place of sovereignty. For the first time, I was seeing my mom through the eyes of sovereignty; not victimhood. And I could feel the depth of that shift.
To witness suffering without running, without drowning. To hold it steady so Mother can move through the field.
Living Codes
Witness Without Running
The medicine is not in escaping suffering or drowning in it; it’s in holding it with steadiness so Mother can move.
Mother Works Through Feeling
Begging from desperation closes the field; surrender and willingness to feel open it.
Sovereignty in the Field
See those in pain through the eyes of their wholeness, not their wounds. This allows you to hold the field without taking on their story.
The Torch Transmission
Honoring the path laid before you while claiming the next part of the mission is an energetic handover—ancestral and personal—activating both liberation and continuation.
Stay, But Do Not Drown
Staying present is not engulfment. It’s the choice to root in the center, where witnessing and miracle meet.
