The Intelligence of My Body: Learning to Trust the Inner Rhythm Again
March 6, 2025“Unraveling the Noise. Returning to the Rhythm.”
Last night, I laid on the floor in my boyfriend’s place with the intention to meditate. My new Pivo camera had just arrived and, at first, I tried to record myself. I thought maybe I could capture one of those moments where something profound unfolds and becomes shareable.
But soon into the meditation, I could feel the tug, the awareness of the lens, the subtle pull of performance. It was faint, but enough. So I turned the camera off. And in that choice, I returned to myself.
As I laid there in silence, I realized: I don’t do this enough.
Not this kind of nothingness, not the surrender into stillness, where there’s no goal, no mental processing, no reflection even… just energy moving.
The stillness wasn’t empty.
It was full of everything I hadn’t let myself feel, old noise, fragments of conversations, images from social media lingering in my field, emotions I hadn’t fully metabolized.
I was shocked at how many random energies I still carried.
And then I felt it…
Not just rest… but recalibration.
⧫ Dreamtime Activation & Body Reconfiguration
Sometime in the night, I entered what felt like a dream, but not quite.
I don’t remember the details now, but I know something was happening.
It felt like my body was transforming. Like deep alchemy was taking place on a cellular level. Like an energetic upgrade was unfolding in the background, beyond the mind’s comprehension.
I woke up not with clarity, but with knowing.
Not with memories, but with integration.
And sometimes, that’s more than enough.
⧫ The Shift from Mental Force to Energetic Flow
All of this landed in contrast to how I’d been feeling about content creation lately. I’ve committed to paying an editor soon. He’s helped me, given advice, and edited one video for free. I’m meant to send him more, but I keep hesitating, not because I don’t want to create, but because something about how I was approaching it feels… off.
I realized: I don’t want to push. I don’t want to create from the mind or from pressure. I don’t want to scramble to hand off clips just to meet a deadline. That’s not how my energy wants to be expressed.
What I do want is to find a way to capture the intelligence of my energy, the way it moves through my body when I’m truly attuned. The subtle, powerful language of movement that flows through me naturally… but that I haven’t yet learned how to explain or translate.
The truth is: I’m still discovering it myself.
⧫ Evening Practice at the Gym: Dance of the Inner Masculine & Feminine
Later, I went to the gym, not to lift heavy weights, but to attune.
I played a playlist of contemporary, moody instrumental music. No lyrics. Just tones. Frequencies. Emotions.
As I moved, I could feel my feminine energy emerging, soft, inward, exploratory. She wanted to move slow. She wanted to dance. To stretch. To swirl.
And then I noticed something subtle, my masculine energy trying to rein her in.
“Don’t be too much.”
“What if someone sees you?”
“Be controlled.”
It was protective, but also limiting.
My feminine wanted to flow, but my masculine didn’t fully trust the surrender. There was a tension between freedom and control, visibility and safety. But I didn’t judge it, I just noticed it.
And then, something shifted.
⧫ Embodiment Moments & Activation Sequences
I climbed onto a tall iron box and began to stretch.
At one point, I lifted both legs off the floor into midair and moved into a floating butterfly pose, inner thighs open, legs held strong by my core, feet together. I wasn’t thinking, my body just did it. It felt like I was being held in suspension between earth and sky. It wasn’t performance. It was prayer.
Later, sitting on the edge of the box, I noticed my right leg begin to tap to the music, completely on its own. First softly, then rhythmically, then with deeper intensity. It was like my masculine energy found its own way to express, not through restriction, but through beat, tempo, pulse.
The vibrations moved from my foot up into my hips, my arms, my torso. I began to move intuitively, eyes closed. I wasn’t doing the movement, the movement was doing me.
I whispered aloud:
“I trust myself.”
“I trust my feminine.”
“I trust flow.”
I noticed how my feminine always begins inward, soft breath, internal focus, eyes closed. And only after she feels safe, then the energy begins to move more freely, more outwardly, more expressively.
This is her rhythm. And I’m learning to honor it.
⧫ Attunement in Public, Wholeness in Silence
Yes, there was a woman at the gym who looked at me sideways — a face of “what is she doing?”
But I didn’t shrink.
Because I wasn’t there for performance, I was there for presence.
And every moment in that gym, I was practicing something bigger than movement:
Holding my frequency in a public space.
Letting energy move without filtering it for safety.
Attuning to my own internal rhythm no matter who was watching.
And that’s the deeper freedom I’m anchoring into now.
Not just being myself in private, but being myself in full, in public, in motion, in silence, in stillness.
⧫ Closing Reflection: I Don’t Want to Force Anything Anymore
Not content.
Not connections.
Not movement.
Not words.
Not timelines.
I want to live from my essence, and let everything else come from there.
I don’t want to experience life through mental tension. I want to live through the effortless frequency of my own truth. Let my body guide me. Let my soul move me. Let silence restore me. Let joy animate me.
Because I’m not here to create what others have already done.
I’m here to remember the intelligence that’s already within me, and let it rise through every cell, every sound, every stretch, every breath.
And if that takes time…
So be it.
